The other day I met a cat
whose fur was pink and tan.
I knelt to pat it, and it said:
“I thought you were a man!
From far away, upon your chin,
I saw a mass of hair.
But as you near to scratch my head,
I see no beard is there.”
He said this kindly, like a pal,
but still I found him crass.
I am a girl! I have no beard!
That kitten was an ass!
And so I sat upon the stoop,
and gave the cat a push,
when suddenly I yanked his tail
and threw him in a bush.
I kept the tail, a souvenir…
I know it might seem weird.
From time to time, I take it out
to wear it like a beard.
Hello, dear readers. You may be wondering why it has taken me so long to post here. The thing is, not much has happened between my last post and now, so it’s not like I’ve been putting this off. Nope! But this is a nice segue into  the subject of today’s post: those despicable people who put off doing things that they’re supposed to do. The scum of the earth! We appear in many forms:
the procrastineater
The procrastineater empties her dresser to smoothe out the wrinkles in her clothes. Not with an iron, though. That’s too much of a commitment. The procrastineater uses speedy Japanese folding techniques, then packs up her clothes very economically so that her drawers can finally close.
the procrastineater, II
The procrastineater, II eats when he thinks he’s bored because he thinks he has nothing to do. But really the procrastineater is trying to trick us all — and worse, himself! — by appearing to be busy with his mouth full of popcorn EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO MOVIE PLAYING.
the procrastiknitter
The procrastiknitter sits at her computer before a blank Word document. But make no mistake! She’s never merely sitting. She’s procrastiknitting, while admiring beautiful knit objects on ravelry.
Here are some of her more recent procrastiknit objects:
a garish blue coatan ugly green sweater, complete with giant pockets and elbow patches
So she might miss some deadlines, but only by a few hours. At least we know that she and her friends will be warm this winter.
the procraftinator
The procraftinator insists that making arts and crafts is a Basic Human Right. The procraftinator believes that non-procraftinators are soulless capitalist automatons whose values are askew because they have no idea how to “let loose,” “have fun,” and “be creative.” The procraftinator’s living room is filled with an astonishing collexion of procraftinated artefacts. The stench of wet paint crossed with molding papier-mache paste tinges the air.
See: your weird neighbour who needs a shower. Also:Â this guy.
the procrastinasty
Can you spot the nasty face? Isn’t she too young to be procrastinasty?
The procrastinasty treat their friends horribly not because they’re naturally inclined to hurt the ones they love, but because they’re stressed out about all of the things they’re supposed to be doing but aren’t because they are PROCRASTINASTY.
the procrastinettor
middle click/control click syndrome
The procrastinettor is a self-diagnosed chronic middle-clicker (or control+clicker). He has a million Wikipedia articles open in his browser. Does he read them all? It is a mystery. At least he appears to have good intentions of self-enlightenment.
the procrastinaked
The procrastinaked has nothing to wear because the laundry never got did.
Dear readers, I am sorry for leaving you in suspense for so long. Here is an apology I wrote twenty years ago, whose sorrys still ring true today:
I really am very sorry.
I am sorry for taking so long to announce the winners of my first ever caption contest. Thank you to everybody who submitted captions. I liked them all! But these were my favourites, the ones that made me laughed the most (in no order at all):
I hear it tickles more than anything — “will”this is not the bathing suit i pictured myself dying in — LyndallIn typical noob fashion, Brent had filled the pool not with water but with cthulu. — EvanAn Introduction to the Works of Sigmund Freud — S.D.Plank (>) Plonck (V ) Planktom (*) — Lawrence (my Dad)
Actually, the last caption didn’t make me laugh because I didn’t really get it at first.
Anyway, how will you enjoy the end of August?
Me, I will enjoy it with fantastic Neo Citran dreams. Bye!!!!
justina forever 