Hello, dear readers. You may be wondering why it has taken me so long to post here. The thing is, not much has happened between my last post and now, so it’s not like I’ve been putting this off. Nope! But this is a nice segue into  the subject of today’s post: those despicable people who put off doing things that they’re supposed to do. The scum of the earth! We appear in many forms:

the procrastineater

The procrastineater empties her dresser to smoothe out the wrinkles in her clothes. Not with an iron, though. That’s too much of a commitment. The procrastineater uses speedy Japanese folding techniques, then packs up her clothes very economically so that her drawers can finally close.

the procrastineater, II

The procrastineater, II eats when he thinks he’s bored because he thinks he has nothing to do. But really the procrastineater is trying to trick us all — and worse, himself! — by appearing to be busy with his mouth full of popcorn EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO MOVIE PLAYING.

the procrastiknitter

The procrastiknitter sits at her computer before a blank Word document. But make no mistake! She’s never merely sitting. She’s procrastiknitting, while admiring beautiful knit objects on ravelry.

Here are some of her more recent procrastiknit objects:

So she might miss some deadlines, but only by a few hours. At least we know that she and her friends will be warm this winter.

the procraftinator

The procraftinator insists that making arts and crafts is a Basic Human Right. The procraftinator believes that non-procraftinators are soulless capitalist automatons whose values are askew because they have no idea how to “let loose,” “have fun,” and “be creative.” The procraftinator’s living room is filled with an astonishing collexion of procraftinated artefacts. The stench of wet paint crossed with molding papier-mâché paste tinges the air.

See: your weird neighbour who needs a shower. Also: this guy.

the procrastinasty

The procrastinasty treat their friends horribly not because they’re naturally inclined to hurt the ones they love, but because they’re stressed out about all of the things they’re supposed to be doing but aren’t because they are PROCRASTINASTY.

the procrastinettor

The procrastinettor is a self-diagnosed chronic middle-clicker (or control+clicker). He has a million Wikipedia articles open in his browser. Does he read them all? It is a mystery. At least he appears to have good intentions of self-enlightenment.

the procrastinaked

The procrastinaked has nothing to wear because the laundry never got did.

So, dear reader, what are you ?? ? ? ???