justinaforever

I met a cat one scorching day
beneath a leafy tree.
I offered her a glass of milk
but she just mewed at me.
“Drink up, my friend. It’s very hot!
The sun is killing you!”
I splashed a bit of milk at her
to see what she would do.
Her fur was shining, slick with sweat;
she panted like a pup.
I thought she’d lick the flying drops —
I thought she’d lap them up!
But no, not she. She did not move
to dodge the milky splatter.
It coated her in creamy flecks
and I said, “What’s the matter?”
She moved her lips as if to speak
and so I listened close:
“Li’l miss,” she croaked. Her tone was stern:
“I’ve had an overdose.”
The fur began to shed like mad
in matted, chunky clumps,
and then appearing on the skin
were angry boils and bumps.
The whiskers fell, and then the ears;
she tripled in her height;
and in her mouth were rows of teeth
all gnashing for a bite.
“Come here!” she roared. “I need some food!”
I nearly pissed my pants.
Yet somehow I walked up to her
as though I stood a chance.
How terrified I felt right then.
The taste of fear, so strong!
The bumpy beast — this former cat —
was fifty shades of wrong.
And suddenly she lunged at me
and knocked me to the ground.
My glass of milk spilled everywhere
and spattered all around.
“Pick up the glass!” the monster roared.
I picked it up with haste.
She grabbed the vessel from my hands
and had herself a taste.
“Delicious! Perfect! Just the thing!”
she munched upon my glass
as tiny shards flew from her maw
to shimmer in the grass.
And just like that, the bumpy beast
did vanish from my sight
to leave behind the baby cat
who purred with sweet delight.
And so I share this lesson with
my kitten-aiding class:
for cats intolerant to milk,
no worries. Feed them glass!

A promise from a kitten is
a promise always kept.
Impossible! That can’t be so!
But listen, how I wept!:
A street cat one day promised me
a mouth so clean and bright.
No cavities! No tooth decay!
And not a stain in sight!
“Throw out your toothbrush!” he exclaimed.
So throw it out I did.
I mean, who likes to brush her teeth?
I know of no such kid!
The cat gave me a potion black
to gargle at the sink.
“Just gargle this before you sleep,”
he told me with a wink.
I took it home, the tarry vial,
and waited for the night.
And when it fell, I drank the goop
and gargled with delight…
A future free from dental care?
My favourite fantasy!!!!!
But then I felt a tiny itch
upon my naked knee.
As I looked down, oh horror! Ach!
I saw the wicked cat!
Somehow it’d crept into my house!
I very nearly spat!
But I didn’t want the blackened goo
to stain the porcelain sink…
And so as though I had a choice,
I swallowed up the drink.
The cat threw back its head with glee
as I fell to the floor.
I checked the inside of my mouth —
My teeth! They were no more!
Impossible! That can’t be so!
But listen, how I wept!:
A promise from a kitten is
a promise always kept.

A kitten came down from the sky,
from Heaven up above.
It fluttered slowly, slowly down
and fell into my glove.
Its fur was white, its mews so soft,
an angel in my grasp.
I tickled it beneath the chin
but soon I had to gasp…
for as I looked I came to see
I’d made a big mistake.
This was no cat! But a grotesque,
misshapen, wild snowflake.
Its points were mangled, bent and weird,
offending my poor soul.
It violated symmetry!
I threw it in a hole.
I watched it writhe, I watched it thaw,
that devil dressed in white.
Its shiny teeth gnashed up at me.
and tried to take a bite.
So take this as a warning fair
to save your precious pelt:
when kittens snow down from the sky,
don’t save them. Let them melt.